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We used to come here. This used to be our place: we always felt comfortable in the quiet of our non-speaking. The deck supporting our weight over the dark depth of aqua, the white noise of our intertwined breathing and beating hearts allowed no silence for our beings. We sat here full of vivacity in the late afternoons. Summers were always hot, bearable and welcoming. Golden rays cascaded down, enveloped us in sunlight no matter how dark the future grew. 


I sit here alone now. 


This was the last place we ever went together. I’m probably not supposed to be outside, especially here, but it’s our anniversary. I just wish you weren’t so far away from me now. You never forgot the dates, especially our anniversary. I dream of a faraway place, somewhere you might be.  


The topaz sun starts sinking, turning pink in hue, before giving way to dark, midnight blue as if the sky knows how I feel, knows how dark it is without you. In a way the colours seem to fill the gap where you were supposed to be. My accident was hard for us but we never lost hope, or love.  


I knew that I loved you, and I knew that you loved me. 


You were my best friend, 


My soulmate, 

It’s cold here now. The lake is vast and deep, like our relationship was a year ago. Ripples of memories approach me in waves from the ducks guarding their young; we wanted children but my accident took the ability. Enchanting notions of swimming out to the small, secluded island on summer days, as a family: the illusion haunts me. I blamed myself; difficult years. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, I couldn’t walk or talk. I told you to live your life after what happened to me, I couldn’t let the world take your life away too. All I can do now is remember you smile. 


I dream of a faraway place, somewhere you might be.  


The accident, it happened slow and then all at once. First the car broke, then the boiler broke…and to top it all I lost the control to kiss your lips!  


The sun‘s descending now, setting with bruised, painful pinks and cold, abandoned blues, ending in a sudden flash, and then it’s gone. The heavens quickly become an inky blackness punctuated by light, flickers of hope in an otherwise cold and callous eternity. I hear footsteps behind me and now… 


We still come here. This is still is our place: I dream no longer. We are here again now because of you. 


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